What Is Happening To Me?

These are the most common questions I get asked in e-mails. 

So far since we started the House website I have gotten an average of at least one e-mail a day from people asking me whether they are Awakening, describing a couple random symptoms and believing they are becoming vampires or panicking because they are having dreams about supernatural creatures. I am generally a very patient person, but everyone gets sick of answering the same question many times or otherwise repeating themselves. So I decided to write an article answering many of the basic questions people keep asking.

Question 1:

I have been having really strange, realistic dreams for years about (insert one of the following,) Vampires, a specific vampire, a person near me who appears as a vampire in my dreams, sucking blood, flying, having vampiric powers, having a vampire seduce me, turning into a bat, wolf or other creature, mysterious people watching me or following me, death and bloodshed, any other mystical being. Does this mean I am meant or destined to be a vampire or that the dream is going to come true?

The answer is no. Sorry to disappoint you, but dreams are symbolic, not literal. For example, dreaming of becoming a legendary type of vampire, like those in the movies, can symbolize a desire for power, recognition, charisma or fame. Dreaming of being seduced can represent a subconscious desire for submission or a passionate lover. Dreaming of turning into an animal can reprresent repressed rage, a desire for freedom or a need to get in touch with your instincts. Most dreams act like this. They are symbolic of the things we do not wish to see within ourselves or cannot deal with in waking life. So the subconscious creates dreams as a safe way to let off steam. This is a very short and ridiculously brief overview of an incredibly complex subject. For further research, read any of the books by Carl Jung. He is known as the father of modern psychology . He spent years researching the meaning and function of dreams, and believed in many types of paranormal phenomena, such as ES P and Astral projection. So read more about the meaning of dreams from one of the greatest scholars on the subject and keep a journal of your dreams. You might be surprised what they teach you. But don’t take them literally (unless they are regularly precognitive).

Question 2:

I have a couple of strange symptoms, such as (but not limited to): nocturnal body clock, change in appetite, change in weight, change in sleeping habits, food desires, heightened senses, strong reflexes, unusual strength, empathy, ESP, astral projection, aura perception, strange urges, cravings, sexual desires, etc. and they are scaring me. Am I awakening/am I a vampire?

The answer is that I have no idea. I am not you, I do not know your personal or medical history, and I do not live in your body. If you are anywhere between 12 and 21, it is most likely just some side effects of puberty you are feeling,as the changes in the adolsecent body are truly profound.

If you are an adult, the first thing to do if you see any change in your physical or mental habits,or your body, is to SEE A DOCTOR. Tell the person exactly what your symptoms are, how long they have lasted, how severe they are, when they occur, when they started, what dietary or routine changes you ahve made and any other information you think could help them. Don’t tell them you are afraid you are turning into a vampire. Tell them that you have noticed the symptoms you mentioned and felt you needed to talk about htem as they were causing you concern. Talk to your family as well. Maybe food cravings or vitamain deficiencies ar genetic. Maybe there is a family history of depression, sickle cell anemia, anemia, migranes or other problems. Let those close to you know what is going on in your life, and let your doctor do his job. Making people feel better makes them feel needed and happy. Not telling a doctor about changes in your body could lead to serious problems down the ro ad for you.

While you are at it, get a full blood workup with every test your doctor can think of. You should be getting screened for STD’s regularly anyway if you are sexually active. So get that done at the same time.

Also, look at all the medicines you take carefully. What are the side effects of each of them, and do they have a reaction with anything else you are taking right now? Herbal medicines can also interfere with both prescription and over the counter medication. Plus allergies can appear even after you have been around a substance for years, or even after years of exposure to a medicine. So check and make sure you don’t have any allergies to anything you are eating, taking or being exposed to.

Next, sit down and really think about your life. Do you want more than anything to be powerful, dominating, strong, sexy, immortal, etc? Do you think vampires have any of these characteristics or all of them? The mind over body effect is incredibly strong. For example, there have been documented cases of biofeedback curing terminal and inoperable cancers, faith healing regenerating nerves and people who literally wished themselves to death. Desire and belief can do amazing things within a person’s mind and body. If you want badly enough to be what you think a vampire is and constantly scruitinize yourself for such traits, your body will oblige you by producing them to some extent. So before you panic and decide you are turning into a vampire or Awakening, or even if you truly feel it is a distinct likelihood, rule out the mundane causes first. That does not mean dismiss what your doctor says and ignore mundane possibilities because you want so badly to be “special” Lying to your self is a foolish habit to get into and can lead to severe personal and psychological problems later. You do not have to be otherkin or a vampire to be a special person, nor will becoming one somehow make you into a new person. Before you figure out what you might be, you have to accept who you are. You might or might not be a supernatural creature, but who and whatever you are, you are still a unique and special individual with lots of people who care about you. Being a vampire will not make you powerful, rich, cool, persuasive, sexy, etc. All those qualities come from within. So no matter who and what you are or want to be, learn to accept yourself for who you are.

Question 3:

I want to be a vampire/I want to be awakened/embrace me/ turn me/bring me across.

Every vampire I know hates this one. It does not,as most people think, translate into:” Seduce me, give me the best sex of my life, ravish me and make me a creature of the night, and then disappear back into a mysterious fog”. No, awakening or Turning a person takes literally yeas of training, memorization, teaching, mentoring, parenting, etc. Then, after a person is fully awakened, you have taught them how to deal with all the emotional and psychological crap, showed them how to feed safely and fnally released them, most of the time they don’t like it and want to return to the way they were. It dosen’t work that way. If you are a vampire, you can’t just decide not to be one one day because you are sick of getting migranes, having food act like a brillo pad on your intestines, feeling empathic signals from people you hate, having to maintain absolute self discipline and control constantly and without lapse over your Hunger and never really feeling comfortable and pain fr ee. You can’t just “not be” a vampire anymore. You are stuck that way. So at least a good part of the time, the new vampire lashes out and tries to hurt in some way thier awakener or mentor. Even more fun, at least 40% of people who awaken as sangs either on their own or due to another’s influence cannot handle it. They go a little crazy (or a lot crazy) and never really recover. Most can function to some degree, but are never stable again. Some get stuck in one of the phases vampires go through as they mature. So you have vampires who are stuck in the “denial” phase, others who are stuck in the “Self-hatred” stage, and still more (who are loads of fun) who are stuck in the “Wheee! I’m a vampire! I’m all powerful and people are just food” stage. These are the ones who tend to give us such a bad reputation.

Often people who say they want to be vampires have no idea of what sort of hassles go along with it. Say you have a job as a lifeguard. Guess what? Once you Awaken , you usually lose all your skin’s tolerance to sunlight and sunburn after less than an hour, even through strong sunblock. Some of us also develop an aversion to water….boy, that would be fun. You will probably be sleepy during the day, so you might fall asleep on duty. Then you have a sunburn and the possibility of someone drowning during your nap.

Say that you work retail at a local store. Well, besides the aforementioned, the Hunger will rear it’s bestial head when someone cuts themselves at work. Your temper will be shorter as an Apprentice, so when a customer irritates you, you may have to literally leave to keep from hurting them. If your ESP tells you that someone is thinking about stealing, you cannot walk up and accuse them. Nor can you go to your boss and say, “I read taht customer’s mind,and he’s going to steal something”. Following the customer could get you cesured for being rude and agressive. Plus how many retail jobs are ther at night?

These are two extreme examples, but they are still valid. People who want to be vampires don’t think about how they will get clean, safe blood, the impracticalities of our condition and modern life, or the fact that they will still be who they are with a lot of extra work and hassles. It never ceases to amaze me how mundanes will glamorize our condition. I suppose it is an extension of “The grass is always greener on the other side”. Life is not better when you are incurably addicted to blood. That is all we really are. All our ESP, empathy and even the effects of sangomancy can be imitated or learned or improvised by non-vampires. Study magic if you want to learn to change your life for the better. Don’t do something you could well regret for the rest of your life, or that could even ruin it. Be content and happy with who and what you are. Learn to love yourself as you are. It’s a lot more effective,and a lot easire in the long run.

This article is copyright © its original author. Please do not redistribute or reproduce without the expressed permission of the author.

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One Response to What Is Happening To Me?

  1. DC/DO Death says:

    So… you were saying you had no degree in psychology, eh? I believe ya, buddy. Not really, but still.

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