I have noted that there are times when we sit about and lament about what we are. It is a natural fact of this condition that we become angry or overwhelmed. We get angry because we cannot control it. We get angry because we are ridiculed and laughed at. We get angry because we are not believed or dismissed as crazy. In the same vein, many of us are more sensitive to energy. All of us need it. Thus, we become overwhelmed by the need and it changes our personality and interactions with others, making life more difficult. We are overwhelmed by the sensitivity as we learn what it means and its effects. I could go on with the negative aspects of the vampyric condition. However, why would we want to do so? When you consider the idea of balance, is it not made clear that with so much we can frown on that there is also so much to smile about?
There is beauty in darkness. As vampyres, we are psychologically predisposed to the dark. This darkness is not limited to the night, though that is certainly an aspect. The darkness I am concerned with are those characteristics shunned by civilized society. Society wishes to subdue and suppress the aspects of the personality that are primal and difficult to control. These characteristics, when given free reign can be quite destructive. However, familiarization with them and experience of them can lead to so much strength and power and round out the real you. Suppression causes problems that must be dealt with and only leads to acting out those suppressed desires.
I will go to an extreme here. I figure a good example would be one that wouldn’t seem to be very positive. Let’s go with the desire to kill. This is a very powerful emotional desire. We all have it and we have all witnessed its effect in our conscious minds. We get outraged at an injustice or a wrong we feel has been dealt to us and we reach back and wish for the instigators death. Naturally, we suppress that immediately and tell ourselves it is not something we really want and push it away. It is metaphorical, after all and not to be truly considered.
Where is the beauty in this primal instinct? The beauty lies in the emotional cleansing power that it has. We are the sum of our emotional content. Yet such feelings as killing is not accepted though it is a part of us. If we accept this part and nurture it through accepting and learning its power, when this feeling comes over us, we can use it to purge the anger. We allow it to be a part and use this as a directional grounding force for the anger. You visualize, play act, ritual around it, meditate on it, and watch the positive aspect of it come to light. Don’t take my word for it, try it. Find the beauty in the primal. It is a too often neglected part of human nature. It is a part that vampyres are all too close to and a part that the average person will never take the time to see.
As a disclaimer to the above, please do not take this as an endorsement of killing. Read it for what it is, the acceptance of primal instinct and it property of cleansing negative emotions.
Sensitivity to energy is something that we all have to deal with as well. It comes with a lot of growing pains, a hard learning curve, and hidden facets. Tell me now, would you trade it away? Take what you feel on an everyday basis. You sense things emotionally about people that they may keep below the surface. You feel the Earth move beneath your feet in a way that most can’t understand. You feel the cycling of energy from person to person, nature to man. There is a sensitivity there that leads to a greater, richer experience in life that the work-a-day person can’t begin to comprehend, let alone take the time to work toward. In a world many become exceedingly indifferent and critical of, we see so much more.
The one aspect of vampyrism that most attribute the greatest problem to is the need. The need for external energy to supplement what is felt to be an inadequate natural supply. How is the desire to take from others what is theirs a positive? In all of nature, the cycle of take and give is self evident. What is destroyed is recreated, was is lost is gained. Nature is cyclical and so is what we do when we take energy. It is a natural consequence of what we are and a natural fixture in the grand scheme of nature.
Furthermore, we are distanced from what we consume in civilized society. When we want a steak, we do not go out and kill a cow to get the meat. We go to the butcher or grocery store. We are numbed to the less appealing aspects of sustenance. By being what we are, we come back to the appreciation of life by what we take from others. There is no shielding us from the ramifications of this action. This heightens our understanding and appreciation for life as we are drawn closer to its beauty in this fashion. We are not destroyers of life-force rather, we magnify its magnificence.
An additional beauty of vampyrism is its potential to awaken an internal awareness. Most people do not dwell on subconscious aspects of who we are outside of the psychological departments of universities or medical establishments. However, as vampyres, we tend to be more drawn to this side as we seek out answers and understanding about what we are. We cannot go to the local webMD site or medical dictionaries and find out all we need to know to explain what we are. At best we will get a psychiatric description of some form of denial, cry for attention, or schizophrenia as our answer. This is not to say that one of these answers is not true for some, but certainly not all.
To find an answer, often it is through self introspection and the study of your subconscious motivations that will lead you further into your journey. This self reflection is important on many levels. It forces you to be honest with yourself. It forces discoveries you may not have been aware of in addition to psychological motivations. It unearths suppressed emotions and experiences. It is generally one of the most difficult exercises you could possibly undertake. Be aware of this fact before you embark on this task.
The last idea I would like to present is one of my own philosophy. It is an aspect that I have been reflecting upon in my own time and in my own way. It is the idea that what makes us vampyres beyond the idea of need is that we are in touch with the vampyric archetype embedded within human nature, which allows us to touch what I refer to as the vampyric essence that flows through the field consciousness of humanity. There are elements or characteristics that can be identified with what are considered vampires across many different cultures. These basic characteristics are base nature to all humans, thus making them an archetype. It is akin to the psychology of basic human nature that applies no matter what culture you are brought up in. The instinctual mind of those of us who consider ourselves vampyres are aware of this archetype. This, in turn, allows our subconscious mind to identify and seek the vampyric essence. That energy that is clearly definable as vampyric in nature. It infuses our energetic selves with that which is wholly vampyric in nature.
This touching of something so purely vampyric is another beauty that is not describable to the average person, nor are they ever likely to experience it. It is beyond understanding or acceptance for them.
The purpose of this small piece of writing is to provide an opposite extreme for those times when we lament being what we are. There is hardship and suffering associated with anything even remotely occult and claiming vampyrism is beyond even that. The hardships of the journey mixed with ridicule and lack of acceptance make one wonder if it is worth the effort and yet, we are what we are. To provide balance to this equation, I offer up what I see to be the gifts that come with the stigma.
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