On Being a Kitsune, part I

The Kitsune, athough one species and race, are all unique, and the experiences of such tend to be varying from person-to-person. The purpose of this essay is not to tell what being a kitsune is like, rather it is to paint a picture on what it is like to be one from my own point of view. This is not to say that this essay cannot be used as a reference, but it is up to the reader to draw their own conclusions based on one’s own experiences and observations.

How long ago I was awakened to the fact that I was a kitsune? Its been about roughly several years, give or take. I was always awakened to at least some degree in my life, so its hard for me to get an exact estimate. Like my awakening eperiences, my knowledge on such things is also ranging, and for myself it is a constant life quest to seek out others like myself, and therefore glean further knowledge on who and what I am. I will say though that at first it started out with the little things. The form itself became the most blatantly apparent. At the time this first started occuring my mind could not rationalise the exhistence of more than one tail, and thusly my four tails where consolidated into one large, puffy tail. Later findings of course brought these out again. Probably the phantom sensations that manifested themselves the strongest was, believe it or not, the ears. Contrary to some of the various animes that depict kitsune, my ears where located in the same place as the ears on a human head. At first I honestly thought that those small round human ears could in fact flex and rotate. I could feel them vividly twitch and rotate at the smallest sound, and in some cases it almost seemed as if my normally poor hearing would suddenly become acute and vivid for sporadic amounts of time. My senses as a whole seemed to increase and improve, though sometimes I wonder if they weren’t always that way, when looking back on various patterns and flows in my life. It may have been the fact that I was born with synesthesia. Either way, whatever senses I’ve had seemed to become sharper, or I’ve become more aware of them, or both. Everything in life seemed to take on a new meaning to me, or rather a new feel. Shortly after came the strange intuitions, the dreams, all became more apparent and more vivid.

Soon everything began to click for me. One pattern that remained constant in my life in early childhood was my fascination,my attraction and my love for Asian culture. I can specifically recall being dazzled in a store in the Chinatown at the Bahamas with the art and language. I was only five then, but instantly my mind and my heart connected. It all seemed so familiar. It all seemed to make sense to me, even though its meaning was lost to my white Roman Catholic parents. It didn’t seem to matter to me though, everything seemed to connect from within. It was later that I found the strange exercises and hand-gestures that I used to calm myself and to channel energy where very similar if not identical to gestures used in Tai Chi and other forms of martial arts. The dreams then came, or rather became apparent to me as part of something meaningful and not just a part of some random quirkiness. Following strongly on the heels of all of this was the external confirmation. I’ve worked with children for the past three years, and it never ceases to amaze me how perceptive they are and how open they still are to things that many times become lost in the adult world. Probably one of the most amusing of such little external confirmations was when one of the children walked up to me and asked me if I was Japanese. I must also note that physically I am about as caucasian and as Irish-looking as my parents. People have also told me that I resemble a fox, and that they have seen my eyes glow, among other things. At first I used to find all these things outlandish, but over the years as I awakened more to myself and discovered more things I grew to accept all this as part of who I am.

I consider being a kitsune a unique experience, a different flavor, if you will. I do not consider myself anthro or furry…If one must put a label to myself the best one would be “otherkin” or “spiritual therian”. To me the difference is as apparent as diet coke versus regular. An anthro-fox or someone with “fox” as a totem is not a kitsune, though a kitsune can adopt and anthro-form. Though the shape and habits are similar, a fox and a kitsune hail from two separate worlds. A kitsune is very much in touch with the magic and energy flows around them, and many of us are psivamps, including myself. Though, this all gets trickier because kitsune, like so many other sentients, are unique individually in their own right. I myself am a nogitsune, a “void kitsune”. I am a psivamp, and in many cases I manipulate and am sensitive to what most people would call the “darker” energies or forces of nature and/or the universe. Nogitsune are celestial kitsune that have not pledged themselves to Inari. I suppose its safe to say that, unlike the myobu, we make up our own rules to the game. At least I know I do. And thats what muddles the mixture even further is the fact that I am also a shinigami. Food for thought, kiddies.

A picture began ot become apparent over this long and slow awakening process. It was one of a young, glossy black kitsune with a silver tail and ear tips, a perfect marriage of onyx and argent, with glowing violet eyes and an equally glowing violet aura. And sometimes that fox was a young boy with long onyx hair that flowed down his back and veiled his foxish eyes, and an eternally playful, mischievous smile. It was me. It was who I am. And what followed was, well, history, and much of it is still in the making. And thats the most delightful thing about being a kitsune, in my opinion.

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