Its nice to know that you are not alone. That across the globe there are hundreds like you, going through similar emotions and experiences. While its true we are all very different, each unique in our own special ways, we do share many things in common.
If there is one thing that I have learned from talking to weres and through Were Poll, is that there are many key elements to being a were. Of course their are exceptions to every rule, not everyone has some or even any of these features in their therianthropy, but for the ones who do here are some thoughts of mine:
All though not obvious at the time I can now look back at my life and see how my wereside has grown and expressed itself over the years. Many weres I have spoken to or read about have said that they found the first traces of their were animals appearing when they where around ten years old roughly. From then it grew over the years, starting to express itself in dreams and shifts. One wonders if this growth finally might climax in a physically transformation or enlightenment of some form or another.
When we are young these signals from our weresides are confusing, perhaps mixed with hormones during adolescence to complicate matters still further. Feeling that one is crazy is quite common among weres however after reaching a certain point many come to live with themselves and begin to stop worrying about these feelings and rather to explore them and enjoy them.
The bit that just refuses to be human
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I know without even thinking that I am a wolf, I'll sniff the air, prick up my ears and yawn widely. I'll feel bright and alert as ever, and when I turn to look out my window I'll not just see the narrow band of life exposed to the human eye but every flashing ripple of light on the pond, every flap of a birds wings and every flutter of a golden leaf as it falls to the ground below. The commonly used term for this kind of experience is a mental shift. Where one has slipped into a way of thinking and perceiving that is closer to their were animal than the part of them that is human.
Shifts like these can often catch us out. For example to shift mentally while in a busy, noisy place such as the Underground (the subway to you Americans) or while in a shopping centre can be both frightening and unpleasant experience. Bright lights invade your thoughts and the confusion of noise around you makes focusing difficult. Pushing people, movement sudden stops and jolts can be disorientating, not to mention sudden loud noises such as the screech of breaks.
Pain and Fear
Leading on from the last section, pain and fear go hand in hand with the more positive aspects of our wereness. Many of us have been caused pain by our weresides either directly or indirectly, mentally or physically. Be it social isolation or just frustration at not having answers, being a were can have a strong psychological effects. From talking to others and from my own experience, being a were does tend to push you away from people, having a deeper insight into folk or perhaps stereotypes, make us see through them and rapidly tier of their mindless chatter. It also bring us closer together as a community, I am far more happy to talk to weres than normal humans just because I know I can have an intelligent conversation where both parties fully understand the issues and have well informed views and opinions. Of course I don't like every were I meet, but in general it is still easier to find friends of ones own kind than amongst humans. I suppose this is because we have more in common than just our nationalities or schools.
Host to a ghost?
What exactly this inner animal is and how it got there is much debated. Personally I think that I have been chosen for a reason which is not immediately clear to me, to be a were and it is a gift which I gratefully accept.
Others hold that some how what they are experiencing is due to the genes that they inherited from their families, perhaps long suppressed, that now manifest themselves. Still how it got there is not terribly important at the current time, the question we should be asking ourselves is what is its purpose? Before we can even begin to answer that question though we must try and understand our 'weresides' as deeply as possible. Understand what causes us to shift, what our dreams mean, why we experience the feelings we do and perhaps most importantly why we want to be animals.